Gerson's 8th Birthday

March 24 is dear Gerson's birthday.  I asked V to contact the family to ask if it was OK that we send them some gifts and a cake for the family.  Since they had not called us about school and we had not heard from them at all since our visit, I wasn't sure what to expect.  Nothing is predictable in this relationship.  I was very glad that they agreed.

So, they met V at a previously agreed upon place.  (It just is not safe for V to go to their home.)  V took Gerson and Elviz into the bakery and let them pick out the cake, and he also bought them an ice cream to eat.  He got to spend time talking with them alone, and the boys seemed to have a very good time.  He gave them gifts (I couldn't leave Elviz out!),  which were shirts.  I had given them several toys and things when I saw them, so we thought clothing might be the most useful gift now.

My favorite quote from V's update (with corrected spelling b/c English is not his first language) -
"they saw me and run where I was seating down,  I hug them and first thing ask me where is Madrina Krystal.   mmm it took me a bit to answer that.  but told them that you were in ky and she is thinking of you today, hugs and kisses, so they laughed and I ask them lets go to get a cake."

 The boys are doing OK, but they are confused about why they are where they are now.  They are not school . . . we're going to have to work on that, but again, I'm not really sure how to navigate this situation.  Everything isn't perfect, but for at least one day, I know that they were reminded that they are loved.   

How We Got Here - Part 6: Now a Madrina

After the hearing ended, it took me a couple of minutes to catch my breath and gather myself.  Then I got up and walked out to the family.  We all had to wait for the court documents to be typed up for signatures and such, so I knew that I would have a little opportunity to talk with them.  Thankfully, most of the not-so-delighted-to-see-me demeanor was gone.  Now they were welcoming me to spend a few minutes with the boys.  I am not so naive as to not understand why, but I am grateful for it anyway.

We talked for a little with a translator, and then for a little while (very roughly) without one.  We watched the boys go through the backpacks that I had given them.  I asked them for a picture together, and the grandmother and mother agreed (the aunt was still was not too delighted with me). 

They asked about going to lunch.  I had gone to the hearing with the attorney, and I knew that she needed to get to another appointment, so I asked them if we could possibly meet sometime the next day.  They agreed and said to call them later that afternoon to work out the details.  At some point (after we had "made friends" and after we had agreed to meet the next day), I gave the grandmother all of the money that I had with me.  I know, I know, how very American of me!  But I felt like I had to do something.  I mean, they were taking *MY* precious babies home with them that night, and my guess would be that they were not prepared. 

Because we kept thinking that we were leaving but then having to wait for something else, I ended up saying goodbye to the boys 3 or 4 different times.  It definitely helped to have hope that I would be seeing them again the next day, but I can't describe how hard it was to let them go at the end of each hug.  I separated myself at one point when there was some drama with the kids running into the street, so when we actually did leave I had to walk past them all again on the way out the door.  I stopped to kiss and hug the boys once more, and as I was hugging Gerson, dear little Elviz grabbed my arm and put a bracelet on.  It was very sweet.  He put it on, tied it so carefully, and then looked up at me with those smiling Elviz eyes -- oh, what a gift! 

My trusty friend, V, called and arranged for the meeting the next day.  He picked up Gerson, Elviz, their grandmother, their mother, and their brother at their home and brought them to visit with me at the hotel.  We sat by the pool and had lunch.  The 3 boys played and had fun.  It was great to have V there with us to translate the whole time, so we got to talk a lot.  I will really try to temper my tone here and leave my judgements off of this blog, so I will just say that the conversation was *interesting*. . . it is clear that this relationship will be a complicated one.  At some point in our conversation, they asked me if it was OK for the boys to call me "Madrina" (which is like godmother), because they knew that the boys would want to talk about me and they wanted them to have a name to call me (other than Mami).  I said yes, that it would be an honor, and thanked them.  So, that is how I officially became Madrina.

We talked about school for the boys.  They said that they were going the next morning to get the transfer papers and to register Gerson and Elviz at the school that is closest to their home.  I made it clear that I will support G&E's education completely.  By the end of the visit, we had agreed that once the registration was done that they would call us.  V would take them shopping and get the uniforms, shoes, supplies, and anything else that the boys needed for school.

Of course I asked for another picture. . . I love pictures.

With their brother

 My silly, silly boys :)  You can see the bracelet that Elviz gave me in this one.

When it was time for them to leave, I asked if it was OK for me to ride with them.  I needed to go to that area to stop by the hogar to tell them thanks for taking care of Gerson and Elviz, and I didn't want V to have to drive back and forth all day long.  They agreed.  They did not talk much on the ride.  V & I chatted in the front, and the kids played in the back.  They asked us to drop them off at a market area, so we pulled over.  It was a busy street, so I couldn't really get out.  We all said a short goodbye, and I kissed the boys as they climbed out of the van. . . then I watched them walk away.  I am not sure when I will be able to see them again in person, but they are always here in my heart.      

How We Got Here - Part 5: The Final Hearing

There were nine months between hearings - nine long months of silence.  I could not secure any reliable communication with the hogar, with the boys, or with the biological family.  In December, I hired (yet another new person!) someone to represent me in court.  We filed a request to visit the boys, but it was denied.  We filed a request to be allowed into the next hearing, and it was approved.

I went to Guatemala for the hearing hoping for a miracle.  I tried to visit the boys but could not.  I tried to visit the biological family but could not.  I walked into court on Monday, March 14, sat down in the waiting room, and physically opened my hands to God.  I was ready to receive His plan, whatever it was.  When the boys arrived, I was delighted to see them.  When the biological family arrived, they seemed less than delighted to see me.  While we waited, Gerson - handsome, handsome Gerson - opened the children's Bible that the hogar had given to him and started to read aloud.  He read in Spanish and in English. . . and yes, of course, I cried.  What a gift to get to hear him.  What an amazing gift to see how much he had learned and how confident he had grown.  Oh my boys, they have grown so much.  They have survived and thrived despite the craziness that has swirled around them these past few years.  I love them so very much, and I am so proud of them.

We went into the court room, and I sat and witnessed as the system failed my sweet boys.  The anti-adoption climate is powerful in Guatemala.  No one wants to go on record favoring an adoption case, and especially not an adoption case related to our original attorney or hogar.  Representatives from the different authority groups and from the hogar all recommended that Gerson and Elviz should go to live with their grandmother.  I have no doubt that every single person in that room knew that was not in the best interest of these children, but not one of them was willing to say it.  These two small boys just were not worth it to them.  The judge ruled, and it was over.  After 3 years and 9 months of thinking that I was their "Mami", I found out that I was not.

I wish that this was a fairy tale and that reunification with their biological family was a wonderful thing.  But for Gerson and Elviz, that is just not the case.  The living situation of the family is dangerous, the history of care that they have shown the boys is questionable, and their plans for future care are ambiguous. 

My boys live in a dirt-floored shack built on the ravine in an area of high crime and gang control.  They live with 4 adults and 7 other children.  There is a history of physical abuse and of gang violence in the home.   

 

I do not understand why God sent them to live there, when it seemed so certain that they belonged here with me.  I do not understand, but I trust.  I trust that God is real; I trust that God is good; and I trust that God has a plan.  Even if I was never meant to be their everyday mother, I fully believe that God wanted me to love them with a mother's heart.  Perhaps the past few years of waiting were needed in order for my love to grow completely.  Perhaps it was the time that was needed for me to let go of all anger, all blame, all resentment, all entitlement, and to just be ready to give them a love that will never stop.  They need me now more than ever, and I will do whatever I can to try to care for them.  I am ready to accept any role that I am given in their lives with gratitude - they truly are blessings to me.

How We Got Here - Part 4: The Year 2010

After the hearing in November, there was a long silence with no news about our cases or about the boys.  I heard from a few people who visited the hogar where we were told Gerson and Elviz were taken after the raid, but no one ever saw my boys there.  After a few months, curiosity drove me to action, and I hired a private investigator to try to find out what was going on.  We found out that the boys had been moved to a small hogar in zone 6, and that the judge had made some new requests of the biological family at the last hearing.  We had no idea what the next step was. 

In June 2010, I went to Guatemala with no solid plans of why I was going or what I was going to do when I got there.  I groveled my way into a brief meeting with the biological family.  I was shocked to find out that there was a hearing scheduled for the end of the month.  I was equally shocked to hear from 2 different sources that the "decision was already made" in the case, and that Gerson and Elviz would be going to live with their grandmother after the hearing.  I begged and cried my way into a very, very brief visit with Gerson and Elviz.  It was truly a miracle and a blessing that I saw them.  We were all thrilled, and when Gerson hugged me, he sighed and said, "Soy contento."  It had been a long and confusing separation, and I was so grateful to be able to tell them that I had not forgotten them, had not abandoned them, and would never stop loving them.     

That is my puffy, crying face.  I cried so much that I got a blister and then a scar under my nose.  It's my permanent reminder of my crying skills and how far they had gotten me in Guatemala.

I went home crushed in spirit.  But I surrendered, and I was ready to accept what seemed to be inevitable.  The hearing date came and went, and I could get no news from anyone about what had happened.  Finally after a month, I hired someone new to go to the court and look at the file.  We found out that the judge had, again, postponed a ruling and had made more requests of the biological family.  The next hearing was set for March 2011.

How We Got Here - Part 3: Hearings, hearings, hearings

In late 2008, after a full year of stalemate, our attorney decided that we would need to take our case to court in order to get a ruling that stated our adoption should move forward despite the "complication".  This was uncharted territory, but we didn't know what else to do. 

In March 2009, Michael and I went to Guatemala to visit the boys and to attend our first court hearing.  We were thrilled to spend time with Gerson and Elviz, and hopeful that the judge would give us a favorable ruling that could get our adoption back on track.  This trip was wonderful for the boys.  Although we had a great time on the last trip, the boys made it very well known that they were thrilled to have the man in their lives back!  They were literally leaping for joy when they saw their "Pop" :)      

We had great fun and created many more happy memories.  We went to court with hopeful hearts, but were disappointed to find that the judge would not issue a ruling without the attendance of the biological family.  A new hearing date was set for May 2009.  

In May, I returned and had a wonderful visit with the boys.  We went to court, again with hopeful hearts, only to face a very stressful situation.  The boys' family was in attendance, and they were very angry.  Angry with me, angry with everyone.  Gerson and Elviz were very frightened, and we spent the entire time at the court house with them clinging to me and us all crying our eyes out.  The boys' mother had originally relinquished them for adoption, but now their grandmother and their aunt were in court strongly objecting.  I found out later that they had been misled by the authorities to believe that adoption was a very dangerous situation and that I was a very bad person.  Based on the family's objections, the judge did not rule on the case.  He ordered some investigations and set a new hearing date for June 2009.   

Not long after our hearing, an investigation was launched against this judge for a different case.  Our hearing was cancelled, and our case was moved to a new court.  Unfortunately, we ended up with a judge who was very much anti-adoption.  Everyone that knew anything about our case warned us that this judge was bad news.  In August 2009, we had a hearing in the new court.  Our strategy was to lose the case, and file an appeal.  We knew that we stood no chance with this judge, but since the mother still wanted the adoption, we expected that we could get a favorable ruling on appeal.  I went to visit the boys and attend the hearing.  Gerson, Elviz, and I had such a fun week together!  Our bond continued to grow, and my love for these precious children continued to surprise even me.  At the hearing, the judge ordered a new DNA test and set the next hearing date for November 2009.

One week after I returned from Guatemala, the hogar that Gerson and Elviz lived in was raided.  All of the children were removed and placed in different hogars.  For a few days, I did not even know where my sweet boys were.  Even after we found out where they were living, we were not allowed any contact with them and were not given any updates on how they were doing.  This drought of information was an incredibly difficult time for me.  Worry does not even begin to describe how I felt - I was devastated with concern for my boys. 

In November 2009, Michael and I went to Guatemala to attend the hearing in our case.  We had not seen our boys or heard anything about them in over 3 months.  When they walked into the court waiting area and saw us, it was the reunion of  lifetime!  They gleefully yelled, "Mami!  Papi!", ran to us, and jumped into our arms.  For a few short minutes, we held them and cried.  It was not long until they were whisked away from us, and a person actually looked into my eyes and said, "It is not in the best interest of the children to continue a relationship with you."  The hearing went horribly, and the judge would not even allow us or our legal representative in the room during the hearing.  I refused to leave, so we waited outside.  When the doors opened, I asked if I could please say goodbye to the boys.  I was told that I could not.  I pushed my way into the room anyway, and gave them both a very short and tearful goodbye.  I held them, told them I loved them always, and then begged God to surround them with protection.  There were no happy pictures from that trip. . . it is really too bad, because Gerson had lost his 2 front teeth, and Elviz had just started to lose his baby cheeks.  They were both so incredibly handsome that day.    

How We Got Here - Part 2: Building our Bond

In October 2007, Michael and I took our first visit trip to meet the boys and spend some time loving on them.  We had a great visit with Gerson and Elviz and made the first of many memories.  It was an exciting and wonderful time, but it was also marked as a time when real "trouble" began in the world of Guatemalan adoptions.  The Congress passed a new law, there were a swirl of rumors about what would happen to the pending cases, and there was a fight to get a "grandfather clause" added to the new law that would allow our case to be completed.     

By the end of October, our case made it to the level of final approval (PGN).  At the time, it was taking about 8 weeks to make it through this stage . . . we were hoping for a Christmas miracle.   When approval did not come before Christmas, I was sure that it would happen right after the holiday.  I bought them new winter clothes and drafted a celebration post for my blog.  Unfortunately, I found out on January 7, 2008, that our approval would not be coming anytime soon.  After agreeing with me that my file should have been processed by now, a compassionate employee of PGN agreed to pull my file and find out why it was delayed.  She informed me of a complication in our case.  A complication that no one seemed to know how to deal with.  I was crushed and confused, and my only thought was that I needed to go see my boys.

In January 2008, my sweet friend, Jenn, her daughter, and I traveled to Guatemala to visit Gerson, Elviz, and Jenn's daughter, Sara.  Sara lived at the hogar with the boys and had a very close relationship with them.  I tried to block out the thoughts of our "complication" and focus on loving these sweet children.  Once I had them in my arms, the worry went away.  We had an amazing week together with so many smiles, laughs, kisses, and hugs!  I fell more in love with these boys that I could have ever imagined.        

Time passed, and our case remained stalled.  No progress and no idea how to get any.  In May 2008, Michael and I went to visit the boys again.  We had a fabulous time..  It was the first time that we stayed at a hotel that had a pool, and the boys absolutely loved it!  We met up with some friends and their children, and Gerson and Elviz were the happiest that I had ever seen them.  The bond between us grew stronger with each day, and we all cried at the hogar when the trip was over.  I prayed for the boys' safety, and prayed that God would please remove the obstacles that kept us separated. 

More time passed, and still no progress.  There were no answers to my questions, and seemingly, no answers to my prayers.  In November 2008, I went again to visit the boys.  Although it seemed "risky" in some ways to continue to bond with these children while our adoption was so unsure, I just could not bare to be away any longer.  I am so glad that I made that trip.  There were so many special moments during that visit that I will never forget.  It became clear that not only did I love Gerson and Elviz with my whole heart, but also that they loved being loved by me.    

Between visits, I was very fortunate to be able to send packages to the boys and to receive lots of pictures and updates as other families visited the hogar.  It was really special to be able to give the boys frequent reminders that we had not forgotten them.  

How We Got Here - Part 1: "Meeting" my Boys

Welcome, friends -

The purpose of this blog is to document my relationship with two very special boys who live in Guatemala.  I will try to give a summary of the journey that led me to become their "Madrina", and continue to update about our on-going relationship / contact.  My hope is that they will always know that they are loved by their Madrina.

Most people who read this will already know me, but just in case, let me introduce myself.  Hi, my name is Krystal.  I have been married to my dear husband, Michael, for 13+ years.  We were young, poor, and happy when we met and married.  Now we are not-so-young, not-as-poor, and still happy.  We have been blessed with 2 darling children.  Brayden Mynor Elias was born in Guatemala in August 2005, and he joined us at home in February 2006.  Parker Gabrielle is our biological child and was born in March 2007.

Shortly after Parker was born, we began gathering our paperwork and talking to various adoption agencies.  For several reasons, Michael and I felt that we wanted to adopt a waiting, older child.  In May 2007, we signed an agreement with an agency that worked with hogars (orphanages) in Guatemala and had an active list of children who were waiting for families.  We originally ask to be matched with one child, age 0-7, with or without special needs.

  

On June 15, 2007, I received a call from the agency contact asking me if we would be interested in adopting a little boy named Elviz who was almost 3.  When she emailed pictures later, there they were -- Gerson and Elviz -- together. 

I asked the agency contact about Gerson, and she told me that he was Elviz's older brother and that he had already been matched with another family.  The boys had come to the hogar together in February, but after several months with no family willing to adopt them both, they had referred them separately.  We were heartbroken to think of these brothers being separated, so we asked the agency to check again with the other family to see if they would possibly want to adopt Elviz.  When they said that they could not, we told the agency that yes, of course, we wanted to adopt him.  We joyfully announced our newest family member to everyone that we knew :)

On June 28, 2007, I received a call from the agency contact while I was at work.  I can remember the conversation almost exactly. . . she said, "Krystal, the situation has changed.  The other family has decided that they do not want to adopt Gerson."  I burst into tears (that happens a lot with me), and interrupted her to say, "We want him!  We want him!"  She laughed and asked if I wanted to call my husband and talk this through . . . I told her that I already knew the answer!  Of course, we want him!  We very, very joyfully announced our TWO newest family members to everyone that we knew :)