July Visit

After over a month of trying, V was finally able to get a short meeting to deliver my packages and check on the boys last Wednesday.  Unfortunately, we didn't really get any information about anything . . . that is frustrating, but I am trying to keep a good perspective.  It may not be everything that I want, but just knowing that they are physically OK means a lot.  As I've mentioned before this relationship is a complicated one.  I recognize that these people do not owe me information or their time.  They do not owe me anything*, so I am grateful for anything that we get. 

*They DO owe very, very much to Gerson and Elviz, but that is a different subject. 

Gerson and Elviz look like they are doing well, and V reported that they were very happy to receive their gifts.

I think they look incredibly grown up, and of course, incredibly handsome.

They have changed a lot since that first delivery of Ziploc kisses back in July 2007.

Un-Update

I wish that I had an update to post here, but I do not have anything solid.  I sent little care packages to the boys earlier this month, but so far V has not been able to deliver them.  He had a meeting set for last Friday, but the family did not show up . . . and they have not been answering their phones. 

Right now we are unclear about where Gerson and Elviz are living and who they are living with.  Two weeks ago V spoke with the boys' mother on the phone, and she shared some disturbing news.  If what we have been told is true, then they have had a very difficult month.  I am so worried about them, and still so angry / sad / stunned that they have been put in this situation.  I wish I knew how to fix it. 

I hope that V can see them soon and make sure that they are OK. 

Easter 2011

This past Thursday we sent some sweet bread and drinking chocolate to the boys and their family as a gift for Easter.  The meeting to drop off the gifts also gave V a chance to talk to their grandmother again about how important it is to get the boys back in school . . . not sure that she agrees, but we will keep trying.  

It is good to see G&E looking well, even if Elviz is making a grumpy face.

I love them and miss them, and I am still in denial that *this* is reality.

Gerson's 8th Birthday

March 24 is dear Gerson's birthday.  I asked V to contact the family to ask if it was OK that we send them some gifts and a cake for the family.  Since they had not called us about school and we had not heard from them at all since our visit, I wasn't sure what to expect.  Nothing is predictable in this relationship.  I was very glad that they agreed.

So, they met V at a previously agreed upon place.  (It just is not safe for V to go to their home.)  V took Gerson and Elviz into the bakery and let them pick out the cake, and he also bought them an ice cream to eat.  He got to spend time talking with them alone, and the boys seemed to have a very good time.  He gave them gifts (I couldn't leave Elviz out!),  which were shirts.  I had given them several toys and things when I saw them, so we thought clothing might be the most useful gift now.

My favorite quote from V's update (with corrected spelling b/c English is not his first language) -
"they saw me and run where I was seating down,  I hug them and first thing ask me where is Madrina Krystal.   mmm it took me a bit to answer that.  but told them that you were in ky and she is thinking of you today, hugs and kisses, so they laughed and I ask them lets go to get a cake."

 The boys are doing OK, but they are confused about why they are where they are now.  They are not school . . . we're going to have to work on that, but again, I'm not really sure how to navigate this situation.  Everything isn't perfect, but for at least one day, I know that they were reminded that they are loved.   

How We Got Here - Part 6: Now a Madrina

After the hearing ended, it took me a couple of minutes to catch my breath and gather myself.  Then I got up and walked out to the family.  We all had to wait for the court documents to be typed up for signatures and such, so I knew that I would have a little opportunity to talk with them.  Thankfully, most of the not-so-delighted-to-see-me demeanor was gone.  Now they were welcoming me to spend a few minutes with the boys.  I am not so naive as to not understand why, but I am grateful for it anyway.

We talked for a little with a translator, and then for a little while (very roughly) without one.  We watched the boys go through the backpacks that I had given them.  I asked them for a picture together, and the grandmother and mother agreed (the aunt was still was not too delighted with me). 

They asked about going to lunch.  I had gone to the hearing with the attorney, and I knew that she needed to get to another appointment, so I asked them if we could possibly meet sometime the next day.  They agreed and said to call them later that afternoon to work out the details.  At some point (after we had "made friends" and after we had agreed to meet the next day), I gave the grandmother all of the money that I had with me.  I know, I know, how very American of me!  But I felt like I had to do something.  I mean, they were taking *MY* precious babies home with them that night, and my guess would be that they were not prepared. 

Because we kept thinking that we were leaving but then having to wait for something else, I ended up saying goodbye to the boys 3 or 4 different times.  It definitely helped to have hope that I would be seeing them again the next day, but I can't describe how hard it was to let them go at the end of each hug.  I separated myself at one point when there was some drama with the kids running into the street, so when we actually did leave I had to walk past them all again on the way out the door.  I stopped to kiss and hug the boys once more, and as I was hugging Gerson, dear little Elviz grabbed my arm and put a bracelet on.  It was very sweet.  He put it on, tied it so carefully, and then looked up at me with those smiling Elviz eyes -- oh, what a gift! 

My trusty friend, V, called and arranged for the meeting the next day.  He picked up Gerson, Elviz, their grandmother, their mother, and their brother at their home and brought them to visit with me at the hotel.  We sat by the pool and had lunch.  The 3 boys played and had fun.  It was great to have V there with us to translate the whole time, so we got to talk a lot.  I will really try to temper my tone here and leave my judgements off of this blog, so I will just say that the conversation was *interesting*. . . it is clear that this relationship will be a complicated one.  At some point in our conversation, they asked me if it was OK for the boys to call me "Madrina" (which is like godmother), because they knew that the boys would want to talk about me and they wanted them to have a name to call me (other than Mami).  I said yes, that it would be an honor, and thanked them.  So, that is how I officially became Madrina.

We talked about school for the boys.  They said that they were going the next morning to get the transfer papers and to register Gerson and Elviz at the school that is closest to their home.  I made it clear that I will support G&E's education completely.  By the end of the visit, we had agreed that once the registration was done that they would call us.  V would take them shopping and get the uniforms, shoes, supplies, and anything else that the boys needed for school.

Of course I asked for another picture. . . I love pictures.

With their brother

 My silly, silly boys :)  You can see the bracelet that Elviz gave me in this one.

When it was time for them to leave, I asked if it was OK for me to ride with them.  I needed to go to that area to stop by the hogar to tell them thanks for taking care of Gerson and Elviz, and I didn't want V to have to drive back and forth all day long.  They agreed.  They did not talk much on the ride.  V & I chatted in the front, and the kids played in the back.  They asked us to drop them off at a market area, so we pulled over.  It was a busy street, so I couldn't really get out.  We all said a short goodbye, and I kissed the boys as they climbed out of the van. . . then I watched them walk away.  I am not sure when I will be able to see them again in person, but they are always here in my heart.      

How We Got Here - Part 5: The Final Hearing

There were nine months between hearings - nine long months of silence.  I could not secure any reliable communication with the hogar, with the boys, or with the biological family.  In December, I hired (yet another new person!) someone to represent me in court.  We filed a request to visit the boys, but it was denied.  We filed a request to be allowed into the next hearing, and it was approved.

I went to Guatemala for the hearing hoping for a miracle.  I tried to visit the boys but could not.  I tried to visit the biological family but could not.  I walked into court on Monday, March 14, sat down in the waiting room, and physically opened my hands to God.  I was ready to receive His plan, whatever it was.  When the boys arrived, I was delighted to see them.  When the biological family arrived, they seemed less than delighted to see me.  While we waited, Gerson - handsome, handsome Gerson - opened the children's Bible that the hogar had given to him and started to read aloud.  He read in Spanish and in English. . . and yes, of course, I cried.  What a gift to get to hear him.  What an amazing gift to see how much he had learned and how confident he had grown.  Oh my boys, they have grown so much.  They have survived and thrived despite the craziness that has swirled around them these past few years.  I love them so very much, and I am so proud of them.

We went into the court room, and I sat and witnessed as the system failed my sweet boys.  The anti-adoption climate is powerful in Guatemala.  No one wants to go on record favoring an adoption case, and especially not an adoption case related to our original attorney or hogar.  Representatives from the different authority groups and from the hogar all recommended that Gerson and Elviz should go to live with their grandmother.  I have no doubt that every single person in that room knew that was not in the best interest of these children, but not one of them was willing to say it.  These two small boys just were not worth it to them.  The judge ruled, and it was over.  After 3 years and 9 months of thinking that I was their "Mami", I found out that I was not.

I wish that this was a fairy tale and that reunification with their biological family was a wonderful thing.  But for Gerson and Elviz, that is just not the case.  The living situation of the family is dangerous, the history of care that they have shown the boys is questionable, and their plans for future care are ambiguous. 

My boys live in a dirt-floored shack built on the ravine in an area of high crime and gang control.  They live with 4 adults and 7 other children.  There is a history of physical abuse and of gang violence in the home.   

 

I do not understand why God sent them to live there, when it seemed so certain that they belonged here with me.  I do not understand, but I trust.  I trust that God is real; I trust that God is good; and I trust that God has a plan.  Even if I was never meant to be their everyday mother, I fully believe that God wanted me to love them with a mother's heart.  Perhaps the past few years of waiting were needed in order for my love to grow completely.  Perhaps it was the time that was needed for me to let go of all anger, all blame, all resentment, all entitlement, and to just be ready to give them a love that will never stop.  They need me now more than ever, and I will do whatever I can to try to care for them.  I am ready to accept any role that I am given in their lives with gratitude - they truly are blessings to me.

How We Got Here - Part 4: The Year 2010

After the hearing in November, there was a long silence with no news about our cases or about the boys.  I heard from a few people who visited the hogar where we were told Gerson and Elviz were taken after the raid, but no one ever saw my boys there.  After a few months, curiosity drove me to action, and I hired a private investigator to try to find out what was going on.  We found out that the boys had been moved to a small hogar in zone 6, and that the judge had made some new requests of the biological family at the last hearing.  We had no idea what the next step was. 

In June 2010, I went to Guatemala with no solid plans of why I was going or what I was going to do when I got there.  I groveled my way into a brief meeting with the biological family.  I was shocked to find out that there was a hearing scheduled for the end of the month.  I was equally shocked to hear from 2 different sources that the "decision was already made" in the case, and that Gerson and Elviz would be going to live with their grandmother after the hearing.  I begged and cried my way into a very, very brief visit with Gerson and Elviz.  It was truly a miracle and a blessing that I saw them.  We were all thrilled, and when Gerson hugged me, he sighed and said, "Soy contento."  It had been a long and confusing separation, and I was so grateful to be able to tell them that I had not forgotten them, had not abandoned them, and would never stop loving them.     

That is my puffy, crying face.  I cried so much that I got a blister and then a scar under my nose.  It's my permanent reminder of my crying skills and how far they had gotten me in Guatemala.

I went home crushed in spirit.  But I surrendered, and I was ready to accept what seemed to be inevitable.  The hearing date came and went, and I could get no news from anyone about what had happened.  Finally after a month, I hired someone new to go to the court and look at the file.  We found out that the judge had, again, postponed a ruling and had made more requests of the biological family.  The next hearing was set for March 2011.